I Forgive You by Theresa Johnson

I’d love to introduce you to Theresa Johnson. We met at the Voice of Peace retreat given by VOICE Today, Inc. www.voicetoday.org Soon, I will post a blog about my experiences there along with a few photos, but today I’m honored that Theresa has given permission to post “I Forgive You”, which she shared at the retreat by the spoken word. Her beautiful voice as she sang some parts, then read with such emotion, impacted all of us!

Theresa works with Voices of Christ Literary Ministries International  www.voicesofchrist.com and gives a voice to her own journey as well as those who have no voice.

Thank you, Theresa, for sharing your talent with the world. Love, Brinda









I Forgive You
Copyright 2012 Theresa Johnson

Father can you hear me,
I need your love today
I know that you are listening
You hear me when I pray
Father, please heal me
And I will be Okay…..

I will always love you daddy,
regardless of what you’ve done.
I desired more than anything just to be held
as a daughter in your arms.

Sometimes I still find myself angry
because I didn’t get to decide or choose;
how this body that was given to me,
would be treated or used.

I was sickened over my soul’s response,
to the relentless touch of your hands.
A daughter should never respond to her father,
the way a woman responds to a man.

Father can you hear me,
I need you love today.
I know that you are listening
You hear me everyday…
Father please heal me…
So that I will be okay….

Something inside me was shattered,
like sheets of glass from a sliding door.
And after all these years I am now getting to a place,
where I can sweep the remaining shards from the floor.

I developed this raging volcano of emotion,
that sometimes still bubbles up within my soul.
and I’ve spent years trying to contain it,
silently fearing that one day I’d implode.

I’ve struggled with feeling so nasty and unclean,
holding on to this emptiness I can’t explain.
Parts of me have been irrevocably stolen,
that can never be regained.

Though I can’t put my finger on it daddy,
I still love you beyond belief.
I was never able to hold one single grudge,
No matter how you treated me.

Did you ever really love me daddy?
Or just didn’t know how “to love me right” as you said?
Did you realize that I’ve spent most of my life in shame,
Believing I’d be better off dead?

Somehow I thought that I’d caused all of this,
as mama would often scream.
She could never, really love me either,
and was never kind to me.

Sometimes I’ve felt overwhelmingly unlovable,
and based my worth on this false belief.
And though I’m walking through a season of restoration,
the little girl inside me still grieves.

Father, please heal me…..

Sometimes I can’t stop crying,
and I struggle to understand why.
Other than to say I’m overcome with grief sometimes,
that’s so deep I think I’ll die.

I’m afraid of all these emotions,
they’ve been bottled inside so long.
I feel guilty most times just experiencing them,
Because I’m no longer a child, but full grown.

Why wouldn’t you protect me daddy?
Why wouldn’t you wipe away my tears?
Why didn’t you FIGHT for me daddy?
Or show adoration for me through the years?

Why did I have to carry this secret?
Why did you lead me into such deep sin?
You forced me into a dungeon deep within myself,
with my identity and emotions buried within.

So, today I’m writing you this poem,
Willing to take whatever steps are necessary to be free.
of the secrets, the shame, the self-hatred and guilt…
That quite honestly still rises in me.

I’m writing this poem to you daddy,
saying all the things I’ve longed to say.
You didn’t have the right to do this to me —
snatching my childhood away.

I’m giving up this fear I have of you,
and this fear of exposing my soul;
Believing God to keep His promise to me,
That by my testimony – I and others will be made whole.

Father can you hear me now?
Father can you hear me now?

I was created to be God’s daughter,
and he trusted you with my life.
He never intended for that trust to be abused,
or for me to become your wife.

I refuse to carry this guilt or shame any longer,
I now know I did nothing wrong.
These were sins YOU committed against me,
Sins that you alone must own.

Today, I lay down this secret daddy,
Truly ready to continue my healing.
But I had to write this poem, this letter to you today,
and tell you that you’ve been forgiven.

Father can you hear me,
I need your love today
I know that you are listening
You hear me when I pray
Father, please heal me
Father, can you heal me now…
Father, can you heal me now…

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